Take Off The Mask!

"It's like we get better at playing a role, but we don't really get BETTER." ~ Simon Flake

Will the real "me" please stand up? In spite of the fear of rejection or ridicule, can I be bold enough to just be ME...no gimmicks, no stunts, no statements that assert my originality. Can I just be ME without a mask of feigned happiness or joy. Can I be ME without the expectation of sweetness?

Here's the thing: I really am happy and full of joy. I really am a sweet person. But if I have a difficult day, it's just that. I shouldn't make myself play a role just to fit within someone else's preconceived notions about me.

The only standard I'm trying to fit into is the standard of Christ. Please don't misread this: I'm not trying to fit into a standard of denomination or one particular church body. I just want to be like Christ. PERIOD.

Galatians 6:15 (the Message Version) says, "Because of [the] Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate."

This scripture effectively removed from my face the masks that were stifling me; the masks I was lost in because I couldn't remember which "me" I was supposed to be within the various settings and circumstances I found myself in. I had to be a certain "me" with mama and family, another "me" at work, and yet another "me" with my husband and sons. The beat goes on, but I'm marching to the one of the only Drummer Who knows me better than I know myself.

I am no longer lost in a masquerade, accepting Oscar after Oscar for perfecting the roles and labels I was given since the day of my birth. All that has now been removed, and I'm free to just be...

ME.

Hairston Manifesto

“Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards. The most important thing is changing what you demand of yourself. Write down all the things you will no longer accept in your life, all the things you will no longer tolerate, and all the things that you aspire to becoming.” ~ Anthony Robbins

"Manifesto: noun: A written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer." http://www.merriam-webster.com/

Hear ye, hear ye! The personality of Harriet R. Hairston will be making the following adjustments to bring forth the true beauty and brilliance it possesses! All changes are irrevocable and final, and are open to observation, but not to debate!

First, this personality will raise its standards and demands of itself:

• It will no longer justify or excuse giving less than what it was created to. Anything less than 100% effort on any project, vision, valued relationship or assignment is unacceptable!


• It will no longer write a vision without an action plan.


• Every goal it sets for itself will be fulfilled by concrete and measured steps towards the end result.

Second, this personality will no longer accept the following in its life:

• Drama! This personality has always been allergic to it, but will speak out all the more when others misinterpret her listening, compassionate ears for a garbage dump of gossip, assumptions, curses and lies.


• Mistaking humility for low self-esteem. No longer will this large personality attempt to shrink in order to make others feel good about themselves. We were all created in the image of God, and my greatness does not detract from the greatness of others.

Third, this personality will no longer tolerate the following in its life:

• Leaning on its own understanding without seeking the Lord and wise counsel for wisdom.


• Making God a last resort after all other attempts and resources have been exhausted.

Finally, this personality aspires to become:

• All God said she would be both internally and externally!


• A woman after God's heart that seeks to please Him in all her ways!


• A mother whose children will arise and call her blessed!


• A wife whose husband's heart safely trusts in her!


• A published author and editing/publishing business owner!


• A woman with multiple streams of income who is debt free and uses her money for a mission and prosperity for a purpose bigger than her very personality!

Any resistance to this manifesto will be met with compassion and kindness, but also a quick cutting of ties to ensure forward movement and momentum is maintained. Thank you for your cooperation, understanding and love!

I Am Who I Am

"It's a trip when people who think outside the box are stuck in a different box." ~ Camara Fontenot

"Am I growing in God or am I fooling myself?" ~ Christina Robinson

Lately, I've been thinking about how I've never fit into any type of niche. When I was in high school, I was always the one who didn't quite fit in all the way. It didn't matter if I was playing a sport or debating a point, I have always been DIFFERENT.

Years ago, I tried to make up for this fact by trying my best to fit in. If my basketball team was rough, I was rough. If my debate team was polite, I was polite. If my ROTC unit was precise, I was precise. Lucky for me, most of my influences growing up were positive ones. I won't talk about how some of my friends like to curse...so I learned how to curse like a sailor.

There came a time when trying to fit in no longer worked for me. I became a rebel to any kind of set order. I refused to fit within anyone's perception of who they thought I should be, which was a good thing. Yet on the negative side, I became difficult to work with and pretty intolerable because if things weren't done my way, then it was the highway. PERIOD. In thinking outside the boxes set up for me, I became imprisoned in my own box of trying to prove myself.

The pendulum life for me swung violently between two extremes, making me very imbalanced. There is an inherent danger in making what you do the center of your universe; the danger grows exponentially when you make YOURSELF the center of your own universe. That's a responsibility that only God has the cajones to shoulder.

Now that I'm a little wiser, I've learned that boxes are overrated. I weigh myself against the standard of Christ. He's higher, stronger, wiser, more compassionate and loving than I'll ever be, but He always gives me the desire to strive to become just like Him. Now I am who I am, not because of someone else's definition or my own pride, but by the grace and power He invested in me.

I love the fact that He's a wise investor. He won't deposit something without expecting an increase later. My mind is wrapped up in becoming who He created me to be.

...and He doesn't believe in boxes.

Take it Personal!

"I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left." ~ Margaret Thatcher

Within identities and personalities, there is bound to be disagreements and conflict. Friction focused in the right direction leaves so much room for growth and development. However, there are those who remove the constructive nature of conflict and reduce themselves to engaging in mere argument. What's the difference? It's subtle but absolutely crucial. Conflict leads to growth and resolution. Argument is void of any kind of constructive qualities.

Sometimes a discussion can start out as conflict and degenerate into an argument. At other times, it can start as an argument and graduate to becoming a conflict. Here are some warning signs that a conflict has turned into an argument:

• One or both parties have lost sight of the original point of their discussion.
• One or both parties resort to cursing or using expletives during the course of the conversation.
• One or both parties begins to engage in a personal attack upon one another.

My mama used to tell me that it takes two fools to fight...just don't be one of them. Conflict causes iron to sharpen iron. If I'm taking things personally because my character has been attacked, then that's even better. It means the argument presented by the other side has reduced itself to NOTHING. Either way, I've made up my mind that every conflict I engage in will sharpen me more and more...even the ones that attack me personally.

Identity Honesty

"We tell lies when we are afraid...afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger." ~ Tad Williams

There are 360 degrees within every individual. As I orbit in, out and around the lives of other individuals, I try my best to do a complete revolution before them. What you see is what you get, whether in public or private. The only part of me that cannot be regularly seen is my candor with my husband or sons. Those areas are reserved specifically for my main men.

I've always been extremely transparent in all my dealings, but I've found throughout the years that many cannot handle the truth of who I am. I actually realized this daunting fact around the age of 7. During that time, instead of running the risk of a person not liking me, I would lie about my identity in order to gain their favor or friendship. I lied because I didn't know if they would still like me if they knew everything about me, good, bad and ugly.

Fast forward to adolescence, and my orbit had totally stalled. I was so afraid of what others might think of me that I put myself on pause. Outwardly, I was popular, athletic, talented and gifted. Everybody loved them some Harriet...except Harriet.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that there's nothing that could be found out about me that would endanger, insult or enrage another person. Yet even if that's the case, rather than lie about who I am through my actions, I'd rather not allow my orbit to roll over to another person's life. If you love or like me, cool. If you can't stand me, cool. If you'd rather not be around me because part of my 360 degrees makes you uncomfortable, cool. If you want to kill me--don't start none, won't be none--but even that's cool.

Just yesterday I was rejected and written off by a young lady who had seen just about every part of my 360 degrees (except the aforementioned areas). She called me socially "weird." Knowing her, I'm sure that moniker was meant to be a sarcastic jab at my character, but for some reason, I took it as the highest compliment a person could give me. If she's reading this, girl, THANK YOU for being my inspiration to maintain my identity in Christ, in marriage, in love and in life. I really mean that from the bottom of my heart, no sarcasm or hard feelings. For real.

I've realized in life that honesty in my identity--even at the risk of being viewed as peculiar (read: weird), even when telling a lie is easier and will reduce conflict, even when there is an inherent risk that I will be rejected and written off--is ALWAYS the best policy.

I don't care what anyone says or thinks. I'm no longer afraid of...




...ME.